


I'm jealous of the nights that I don't spend with you

by HopeSilverheart



Series: Shadowhunter Bingo [5]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Dorks in Love, Downworlder Dad Magnus Bane, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, If only they knew how to communicate, Jealous Raphael, Jealousy, M/M, Magnus Bane gives great advice, Simon Lewis & Jace Wayland Friendship, Simon is an astronomy nerd, They get very sappy, implied magnus bane/Alec lightwood - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:49:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24116053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HopeSilverheart/pseuds/HopeSilverheart
Summary: “I’m really sorry I was late,” Simon said eventually, curling his fingers around Raphael’s in a silent show of love. “I know I’ve been spending a lot more time at the Institute lately, but ever since Clary… Well, Jace hasn’t really been himself and I think the training helps him get his mind off things.”Once again, Raphael held back a frustrated growl at the mention of the shadowhunter who had been taking up all of Simon’s time. It was always Jace-this and Jace-that. Although Raphael didn’t mind the Lightwoods, he would like the blond a bit more if he weren’t constantly stealing Simon’s attention away from him.
Relationships: Simon Lewis/Raphael Santiago
Series: Shadowhunter Bingo [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1713982
Comments: 8
Kudos: 153





	I'm jealous of the nights that I don't spend with you

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from Labrinth's 'Jealous'

“Sorry I’m late!”

Raphael looked up at his boyfriend dryly, refusing to show how affected he had been by Simon’s absence. The two of them had been planning this date for weeks, but the younger man hadn’t even managed to show up on time. Of course Raphael understood that Simon had a lot on his mind, but he had hoped that for once he could be his boyfriend’s priority.

“Jace kept me late again,” Simon continued with a sheepish grin. Raphael steadfastly ignored the wave of jealousy that hit him at those words. “You know how he gets when we train. I tried to remind him that we had something planned for the night, but he refused to let me go until I beat him, which only happens like… One out of twenty times. Are we still going to that star-gazing thing at the observatory?”

“Of course we are,” Raphael rolled his eyes. The younger vampire had been talking about the event for over a month, which was why they had chosen this night for their date in the first place. “We should get going if we don’t want to miss the start.”

“Right,” Simon grinned. “This is going to be so cool! I still can’t believe you managed to get us tickets. Clary told me that the observatory was always packed and that getting in for this exposition was almost impossible, so you must have pulled some serious strings. Wait, you didn’t _Encanto_ anyone, right? I don’t think I could go there in good conscience if you stole them from some poor mundane.”

“No, I didn’t _Encanto_ anyone, Simon,” Raphael sighed. “Now can we please hurry up? You’re going to be in a foul mood if we miss the beginning because we were walking too slowly.”

His boyfriend frowned, clearly sensing that something was bothering Raphael, but he didn’t say anything. It melted through the older man’s irritation slightly, because even though Simon was the chattiest person in the world, he never tried to push Raphael into saying things when he didn’t feel like it.

It was one of his favourite things about his boyfriend. Instead of trying to make him more like him, he accepted that Raphael wasn’t the most expressive person and made up for it by talking enough for the both of them.

“I’m really sorry I was late,” Simon said eventually, curling his fingers around Raphael’s in a silent show of love. “I know I’ve been spending a lot more time at the Institute lately, but ever since Clary… Well, Jace hasn’t really been himself and I think the training helps him get his mind off things.”

Once again, Raphael held back a frustrated growl at the mention of the shadowhunter who had been taking up all of Simon’s time. It was always Jace-this and Jace-that. Although Raphael didn’t mind the Lightwoods, he would like the blond a bit more if he weren’t constantly stealing Simon’s attention away from him.

“Shouldn’t he be moving on?” Raphael asked, instantly regretting his words when Simon shot a sharp, reprimanding look his way.

“He’s dealing with the loss of his girlfriend, Raph, cut him some slack,” the younger man chided him. “He was convinced that Clary was the love of his life, and now she’s gone, and he doesn’t know what to do about it. It’s only been a few months, I don’t blame him for needing a distraction.”

“You certainly seem happy to provide whatever help he needs,” Raphael curled his lip.

Simon’s eyes widened at the accusation, and the older vampire sighed tiredly. He hadn’t meant to snap at his boyfriend; he was just exhausted from a long day of dealing with unruly fledglings who refused to sleep and tensions with a small werewolf pack in Brooklyn. He had a lot on his mind and Jace’s constant presence in Simon’s life didn’t make things any easier.

“I’m sorry, Si,” he murmured, slipping his hand around Simon’s waist in an unusual display of affection. “I didn’t mean that. I’m on edge because of a few clan problems, but I shouldn’t be taking it out on you.”

“I get it,” Simon shrugged, his lips quirking into a smile. “Besides, it’s nice to know that you miss our time together as much as you do. I promise that I’ll try and get back to the hotel earlier in the future, okay? After all, Jace’s training doesn’t have anything on your company.”

Raphael rolled his eyes at his boyfriend’s sappiness but smiled back at him anyways because he loved Simon, flaws and cheesy lines included.

He listened to the younger vampire go on about training and Isabelle’s latest fling and Alec and Magnus’ perfect relationship, humming occasionally to show that he was paying attention but mostly just admiring Simon in the moonlight. He would never get over the fact that he had somehow managed to get someone as adorable and amazing as _Simon Lewis_ to date him.

“Earth to Raphael?”

Raphael blinked rapidly, focusing on Simon’s hand right in front of his eyes before glancing down at his boyfriend’s face. Simon was staring at him with amusement, gaze more fond than annoyed at Raphael’s momentary distraction.

“We’re here,” the younger man said, pointing at the observatory and the mass of people rushing inside. “We should go in before all the good spots are taken.”

“There are good spots to see the stars?” Raphael frowned. “I would have gotten here earlier if I had known. I hope we can still find semi-decent seats, because I don’t want to hear you whine all night long about having a bad view.”

“I do not whine,” Simon pouted. “And even if I did, you would find it adorable.”

“I already do,” Raphael chuckled, tugging on Simon’s hand insistently and dragging his boyfriend into the huge building. “I find everything about you adorable though, so that isn’t saying much. I just want you to enjoy our date.”

“You know, for someone who’s usually very aloof, you’re strangely worried about this date,” Simon teased him, directing them towards what he deemed the best spots. “I’m going to love this, Raph, so stop fretting. I’m with you, and I’m going to see the stars, what more could I ask for?”

Just like that, Raphael forgot all about his insecurities and jealousy. Jace might get to train Simon and spend time with him, but only Raphael got to see Simon like this, bright-eyed and dopey-faced, grinning at him like he was worth more than the stars themselves.

* * *

After their date, letting Simon spend time at the Institute became easier. His boyfriend had picked up on his worries and started coming home earlier, and their relationship had never been better. He got to fall asleep with Simon in his arms and wake up to his familiar scent lingering on their pillows.

A few weeks later, Raphael was asked to attend Alec’s monthly Downworlder Council and, after talking to the leaders of the different communities for over two hours, he decided he deserved a break from work and went looking for his boyfriend. Alec had told him that Jace and Simon usually trained in the Institute’s main workout room so finding them was ridiculously easy.

Nothing could have prepared Raphael for the flare of jealousy that ignited in his soul at the sight of Simon and Jace training together _shirtless_. His boyfriend looked as gorgeous as ever, and Jace wasn’t exactly bad-looking either; he would have simply enjoyed the view, but he _couldn’t_.

He understood that exercising led to sweat which often led to men shedding pieces of clothing, but he hadn’t thought that Simon did that around Jace. On top of that, the training that they partook in wasn’t quite what Raphael had imagined.

It was a lot more… intimate than what he had pictured in his mind. It almost looked like the two of them were dancing around each other, their arms moving fast and their legs faster. Jace was obviously the better fighter, but Simon was doing a formidable job at defending himself, and underneath the layers of bitter jealousy Raphael was extremely proud of his boyfriend’s progress.

Even his happiness over Simon’s success wasn’t enough to erase the hatred he felt for Jace in that instant. He didn’t want anyone to touch his boyfriend’s bare skin, and especially not golden-boy Jace with his perfect body and his smug smirks. Still, Raphael stayed silent, observing the pair of men as they twirled and fought and laughed at each other’s attempts.

However, Simon being pinned to the ground by Jace? That was too much for him to look at, especially when neither man attempted to move and get out of that intimate position.

Full of resentment and jealousy and self-hatred – because he would never be able to pleasure Simon in the way that Jace undoubtedly could – he stalked out of the room, slamming the door behind him and speeding away from the Institute, away from Simon, away from the image of his boyfriend lying underneath Jace as though it was completely normal. As though he _wanted_ to be there.

Unsurprisingly, he ended up at Magnus’ loft instead of the hotel. He had a bad habit of going to his only father figure whenever he felt like his mind was spiralling out of control. He knew that Magnus didn’t care, that he welcomed Raphael’s presence, but it still made him feel like a child every single time.

He hurried up the stairs before he could change his mind, not even bothering to knock before entering the loft. Alec was at the Institute, so there was no chance of walking in on an intimate moment between the loving couple.

“Raphael!” his oldest friend exclaimed cheerfully, pulling the vampire into a hug that he reluctantly returned. He had never been able to deny Magnus anything, and he secretly loved the man’s warm embraces. “What are you doing here? Is everything alright?”

“I…” Raphael started, looking away from Magnus’ intense gaze. “Not really, no. It’s about Simon.”

“Ah, I see,” the warlock sighed. “What has your dear Sherman done this time? Alec tells me he’s been training at the Institute a lot these days, does it have anything to do with that?”

“No,” Raphael shook his head, then winced and tried again. “Yes, maybe, kind of. He’s been training with Jace, you know? And I know that he needs someone to teach him and that Herondale needs someone to console him over the loss of Fray or whatever, but do they really have to be so close to each other? They were _shirtless_ , Magnus, shirtless!”

“Ah yes, it does get quite hot in that training room,” Magnus hummed. Raphael grimaced at that statement, not wanting to know how his friend had known about the room’s temperature. “It’s not out of the ordinary for people to workout without a shirt on, Raphael. Surely, even you know that.”

“Of course I do,” the vampire sneered. “But they were rolling around on the floor and Jace had his hands all over my boyfriend’s body. Is _that_ also completely normal?”

“I’ve walked in on Alec and Jace training together dozens of times, so yes, I can assure you that it’s also quite normal,” Magnus answered calmly. “And the view is always delightful.”

“So you enjoy seeing your boyfriend pinned to the ground by another man?” Raphael scoffed. “Perhaps you’re not as monogamous as I thought you were.”

“Or perhaps I just trust Alec enough to keep things platonic with his training partners,” Magnus snapped, his eyes flashing dangerously. “I get it, Raphael, you’re jealous, but please don’t take it out on me and my relationship with Alexander.”

“I’m not jealous,” Raphael sniffed. He just didn’t like seeing someone else with their paws all over Simon, especially not someone who saw his boyfriend more often than he did.

“Raphael,” Magnus said softly. “You’re allowed to be jealous; I certainly won’t judge you for it. After all, do you think Alexander and I have never dealt with similar issues? Jealousy at the beginning of a relationship is normal, but you need to talk to Simon about your feelings before the lack of communication catches up to you.”

“But you don’t…” Raphael murmured. “You don’t think anything’s actually happening between Jace and Simon? Am I really just overreacting?”

“I don’t think you’re overreacting at all,” Magnus corrected. “Being possessive isn’t something I’d qualify as an irrational behaviour. However, I can promise you that nothing’s happening between your boyfriend and blondie. Jace is still in love with Clarissa, and Simon only has eyes for you.”

“Right,” Raphael nodded slowly. The anger and jealousy had faded away, leaving behind worry and regret. “I should… go.”

“Hmm,” Magnus smiled softly. “ _Talk to him_ , Raphael.”

* * *

Simon was already in their bedroom when Raphael got back to the hotel. The younger vampire grinned at him happily and Raphael felt another pang of regret at his earlier behaviour. He could have been with his boyfriend hours ago, but instead he had acted like a jealous fool and wasted time on stupid insecurities that he should have gotten over weeks before.

“I missed you today,” Simon sighed, leaning over to peck him on the lips. “Alec said that you stopped by the Institute and went looking for me after the council meeting, but I didn’t see you. Did something come up?”

“Yeah,” Raphael lied, wincing at how wrong the word sounded. Magnus was right, he couldn’t just ignore his issues and keep Simon in the dark. It wasn’t fair to either of them. “Actually no, not really. I went to the training room to find you, but you were with Jace and I… I don’t know, Simon, I guess I overreacted a little bit. I went to Magnus’ for a while instead.”

“What do you mean, you overreacted?” Simon frowned.

“I just… I know I told you that I didn’t mind the time you spend training with Jace, but maybe I do?” he tried to explain. “I didn’t really like seeing him and you rolling on the ground half-naked, especially when I know that there are… certain things I can’t give you in that regard.”

“Woah, okay, what are you talking about?” Simon straightened up, pulling Raphael down to sit on the bed next to him. “If I had known that it bothered you, I would have kept my shirt on, Raph. I never want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable, and I certainly never intended to make you feel like what you give me isn’t enough. I can promise you that it is. Jace and I were shirtless because that room is hotter than hell after half an hour of training, not because either of us are remotely attracted to the other.”

“I know,” Raphael grimaced. “Believe me, Magnus told me about it and made me understand that I was being a tad irrational, but can you blame me? Jace’s body looks like it was sculpted by the gods or something.”

“Well now _I’m_ going to get jealous,” Simon chuckled. “Am I not attractive enough for you, Santiago? Would you rather ogle Jace whilst the two of us spar?”

“Of course not,” the older vampire snorted. “You know what I mean, Lewis. And I’m sorry that I ran out like that without even saying hello, but I was in a bit of a mood and I don’t think that I would have been great company, especially not with Jace around.”

Simon hummed thoughtfully, carding his fingers through Raphael’s hair in a gesture that soothed them both. The older man had been reluctant to admit that he appreciated the contact, but Simon had noticed and hadn’t made a big deal out of it because he knew that Raphael would freak out and deny everything if he did. It had quickly become their way of relaxing after a long day of work, and it was the only proof of love that he needed when it came to his boyfriend.

“I wish you had told me about this earlier,” Simon finally murmured. “And that you didn’t have to go to Magnus for reassurance. Not that I don’t think it was a good idea, because if he can bring you comfort then I’m not going to complain, but… Raphael, I love you, okay? I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone, and I know that you always roll your eyes at me when I say it and that you don’t like saying it back, but I really do. I don’t mind you being jealous of Jace, because it reminds me that you _also_ care about me. You don’t have to hide these things from me. You never have to hide anything from me.”

“I know,” Raphael whispered, ashamed and awed and utterly in love with his boyfriend. “And honestly, I thought I was over it. Obviously, I don’t love the fact that you spend more time with him than with me, but I get it. You need the help, he needs the support; it’s a mutually beneficial arrangement. I certainly don’t want you to stop because of me and my jealousy. I guess I believed that if I ignored it, it would go away, but it didn’t, so I made a fool of myself instead.”

“You didn’t make a fool of yourself at all,” Simon rolled his eyes. “Jace and I didn’t even know that you were there. Just promise me that you won’t bottle things up like that next time, okay? I don’t like knowing that I’ve hurt you, even if it was completely accidental.”

“I promise,” Raphael gulped. “Although I’m not sure if I’ll be any good at it at first. I’ve spent a long time ignoring my feelings and keeping them to myself. I just don’t want them to get in the way of my relationship with you. Because, you know, I love you.”

“Of course I know,” Simon said softly. “How could I not, when you look at me like that? You don’t need to say it for me to be aware of it, Raphael, even though I _do_ like hearing the words from time to time.”

They stayed silent for a few moments, Simon’s fingers still tangled in Raphael’s hair and his free hand entwined with one of Raphael’s. It was a perfect moment and the older vampire was reluctant to interrupt it, but he just had to make sure of _one_ thing.

“You won’t tell Jace that I said he was attractive, right?”

Simon’s responding laughter didn’t answer his question, but it healed his soul more than any admission of love ever could, so he let it go. As long as Simon knew that he was the only man for Raphael, he didn’t care about anyone else’s opinion. And certainly not Jace’s.

**Author's Note:**

> Heya guys! Thank you so much for reading! And thanks to @AceOnIce for being a wonderful beta and reading through all of these fics for me ^^ I hope you all enjoyed the Saphael content, the next one will be a lot fluffier! In the meantime, I'm going to continue posting these Bingo prompts every day as long as I have some ready to be put up. 
> 
> Love, Julie. 
> 
> (find me on tumblr @hopesilverheart)


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